Posts Tagged ‘Childhood Apraxia of Speech’

FAQ’s

Friday, July 30th, 2010

I really enjoy hearing from people who find my blog. It encourages me to keep writing and sharing. Over the past couple weeks I have received a lot of e-mails from concerned parents.  I thought it might be of value to share some frequently asked questions. The information here is only my personal experience with my son and his Childhood Apraxia of Speech. Always check with your doctor, SLP, ect.


What all have you done for therapy?

Luke began play therapy at about a year and a half old through our local regional center. He received one hour once a week. This was the first step to try to encourage him to make any sounds. Mimicking animal sounds, car sounds, any type of verbal expression through play therapy. After a few months occupational therapy was added (one hour once a week). This mainly addressed oral motor weakness and overall coordination, and muscle strengthening. Luke had play therapy and occupational therapy until age three.

At two years old he began one on one speech therapy at Lucid Speech and Language Center. He receives two thirty minute sessions per week.

Luke also began a preschool program two days a week (four hours per day) right at age three. He is currently off for summer break. Preschool is a mixed class of half typical developing students and half special needs students. He received one hour once a week of group speech during preschool as well.


You mentioned twice a week?

Luke has been attending speech therapy twice a week (thirty minute sessions) for almost two years now. We are officially taking our first break. We are going to take four weeks off this summer and resume with speech in the fall.

Oh my, after typing out that list of therapies, I can say it is a WELL DESERVED BREAK!

How old is he now?

Luke is just a couple months shy of four.

Did you use PROMPT or the Kaufman method?

Our therapist used the Kaufman method. It worked really well for Luke. Luke has an amazing SLP who is well trained in the Kaufman method but also uses her own techniques and changes the program to fit Luke’s needs. We have used some aspects of PROMPT therapy. Several parents have told me PROMPT therapy has worked well for their child as well.

Where there any exercises that you found particularly helpful?

This answer would be so long, it could run for five pages. I will try to narrow it down. I encourage you to take some time to read through some of my older posts. At some point I hope to group all the activities and ideas together for easy reading.  I just haven’t had the chance.

In the beginning all of the oral motor activities were very helpful in just stimulating the mouth.   Ideas like;

Blowing bubbles, blowing whistles, blowing milk bubbles with straw, blowing cotton balls with a straw (have cotton ball races),  peanut butter or jelly around the mouth (child has to lick it off),  Jigglers(vibration) to rub on cheeks and mouth, introducing variety of food, lot’s of textures and flavors (sour, spicy, crunchy), motorized toothbrush at least twice a day, ditching the sippy cup, learning to use a straw, sucking thick liquids through a long wide straw (applesauce, pudding, fruit smoothies, milk shakes). Just to name a few.

The Kaufman method- using the Kaufman flash cards has worked wonders for Luke. It is so important to have the visual cues! CUES, SCRIPTING and PROMPTING

Our favorite language game has been Read and Rhyme by Lakeshore.

Helpful exercises change as you go through different stages of therapy. Overall just creating a language rich environment.  Talking, talking, all day long (slowly and simply), singing and music, games, puzzles, sign language, reading together, crafts, blocks, pretend phone calls, dancing, playing with baby dolls, labeling EVERYTHING in your child’s world, and having adventures!

I remember some days I would talk and repeat things so many times that by the end of the day I just wanted to cry. I remember laying in bed one night just thinking, I don’t ever want to talk again.  But these stages  pass!

Did you ever give him fish oil?

Yes, I did have Luke on fish oil for a period of time but I did not notice any difference. I hear from parents all the time that swear by it. So I encourage parents to check with your doctor and give it a try. It cannot hurt. I will likely try again.


How is he doing now?

Luke is doing really good. He is able to say most anything he wants now. Sometimes he has to stop and  think about what he is trying to get out. Especially when he gets very excited and is talking really fast. He may have to take a couple of attempts at it but he is usually successful. We are still working on more sounds. We still have more to master like, S, SH, and F. Sometimes it is hard to see the progress when you are in the situation. Many family and friends that don’t necessarily see him all the time give us wonderful comments on how well he is doing. Also how well they can understand him now! He can even sing!


Are you hopeful and confident that Luke will have a normal pattern of speech?

I am VERY hopeful and confident Luke will have a normal pattern of speech. One of the best things I did was attend a Nancy Kaufman conference on CAS. She has worked with children for over thirty years. Besides  thoroughly explaining CAS and treatment therapies (it is actually geared for SLP’s, but it is open to parents as well) she showed videos of children she has worked with.  Some of these children had very severe disabilities, and guess what, they learned to speak!  Some had very severe Apraxia, and guess what, they learned to speak several languages. How about that! It was so inspiring to see these young children (like Luke’s age) struggling and working hard in speech. And then to see them grown up, in college, doing all kinds of challenging jobs. Yes, it leaves you feeling very hopeful!

I have also heard from a friend who’s son went through the same thing. After years of therapy, her son finally graduated from speech and you would never notice any difference in his language.

The hard part is it just takes time!  How much time?  I’m not sure. The friend I mentioned, her son graduated from speech at eight years old. Then I hear of children with CAS that start therapy at two and are totally done by age three. There is just no specific answer or time. Every child is different. I feel Luke will be in speech (of some sort) for several more years, but I am hopeful he will have clear and normal speech.

What have you told Luke about Apraxia, and how do you word it if you tell him he has speech issues?

I’m sure Luke has heard the word Apraxia spoken around here many times. I have talked with Luke several times when he was frustrated or having a melt down. It has always been in just a positive or encouraging way. Things like just letting him know how proud I am of him, how hard he is working. We have cried together. Many times there was just no needs for words, he knows he struggles.  I found that hugs and holding always make both of us feel better!


Did you find it has been hard to get two syllable words?

Yes, it is a big step to get up to two syllable words. It is also hard to master vowel, constant, vowels(CVC), as well. It took a long time for Luke to reach that milestone.  It is hard for children with CAS to change positions back and forth like that. For CVC’s one suggestion would be to choose words like, pop, bib, mom, dad, pup. You are starting and ending with the same sound.

The past two years in general have been challenging. Maybe somethings have been easier than others, but Luke has worked hard all the way along. I believe his determination has been fueled by many factors. One of the most important being his connection with his speech therapist! She has never given up on him. At times when I as a mother just thought, O.K let’s just skip this, it’s to hard. he’s not going to get this…Guess what with patience, hard work, and good motivation he would do it! I can’t tell you the times I was just totally surprised at what they would accomplish. It’s just like with any thing in life, there are people who just naturally have a gift at what they do. She has a gift!


I have considered making a trip to the Kaufman center, but I’m not sure if that would be premature since I don’t have a diagnoses?

In my opinion it is never premature to start investigating your options. Time is precious. Your are the parent. You know your child best. If you feel there may be a problem, I wouldn’t hesitate to start searching out programs. I know Nancy Kaufman accepts (for a fee) videos sent in by parents. This is a comprehensive screening and can gauge if your child would benefit from coming to her program. Click here for more information.

I would also recommend Lucid Speech and Language Center. Megan McCann is the clinical director. She has a web page specifically dedicated to answering questions.  She is extremely knowledgeable and willing to send parents in the right direction. She may also be willing to do a video assessments to determine appropriate treatment plans for your child. Click here for more information.

Start searching your local area as well. There is a good chance you can find a therapist who really knows and has treated children with CAS. I hear from SLP’s who find my blog all the time. There are so many good therapist out there that are committed to helping children learn to speak.


Is a trip to see a pediatric neurologist or developmental pediatrician typically a next good step?

Apraxia is a neurologically based speech disorder. I would recommend a trip to see a pediatric neurologists most definitely. We had a few trips to the neurologist when we were worried Luke was having absences seizures. He had some testing done. It was a very scary time for us. Thankfully after a few months every thing just seemed to resolve itself.

A developmental pediatrician is also a great idea. It’s always a good idea to make sure you are not over looking any other issues that could be going on. Second opinions (and thirds) cannot hurt!

Also don’t forget to add a trip to the Audiologist, or an ENT. Always rule out any hearing issues. Luke had chronic ear infections and ended up having tubes put in. This was the best decision. After he had tubes put in, he never had another ear infection. It gave him a chance to regain his balance and made a world of difference in his over all heath.

There are some common things I hear of again and again from parents with Apraxic children. Chronic ear infections and seizures seem at the top of that list.


How do I know what techniques and qualifications to ask about, or look for in an SLP?

I would just ask how many children they have treated with Apraxia? What types of methods and techniques they use? What were their results? What types of testing they use to asses children? Will they allow you to attend the sessions with your child? I know it is not always ideal to attend speech sessions for every child but I found this to be the most helpful thing! I could see how Miss Megan worked with Luke so I could follow her example at home. You are with your child all day. Your SLP only spends maybe an hour a week with him/her. It is important to have a good understanding of what you should be doing through out the day.


Our son tends to stay away from groups of other children and avoids interactions with anyone he is not familiar with. Is it something Luke has experienced? Any ideas to make those situations better or easier?

Yes, Luke has pretty much been attached at the hip. Things are so much better now. Looking back I realize, there were many factors that kept him close, the first was ME! Right or wrong as a parent you want to protect your child. You do not want to see them put into a situation that makes them feel uncomfortable. I think that makes you very cautious (even if you don’t realize it). I often felt the need to explain Luke’s speech problems. A lot of times people would ask me. Especially when we used sign language in public. I was asked a lot, is he deaf? At that point I was Luke’s translator. It only makes sense, of course you don’t want to be in a foreign land where no one understand a word you are saying, without your translator! Luke seemed to have a hard time trusting people and warming up. He felt more comfortable with people who understood him. People who knew what his signs meant. Here is a list of things I feel really helped;

Hardest thing ever for me (still working on it) LETTING GO! Allowing him to find his own way through

Not pushing it, letting things develop in time

Having friends or family come over and play with him. Even if it was just for an hour while I was still in the room. My sister would come over one hour a week. She brought in his favorite things and did crafts with him. It’s amazing how children will warm up to people when they walk in with their favorite toys :)

Allowing plenty of opportunities for social interaction—PRESCHOOL

We always have a very busy house. Luke has an older brother and sister. This house is always packed with cousins, friends, and neighbors. This has probably helped more than I know


Do you have any advice on how I can get an official diagnoses?

“I don’t feel I can fight very well for my child, when I can’t get one person to stand behind a diagnoses!”

I hear again and again parents say they cannot get a diagnosis, or that their SLP is not ready to commit to a diagnoses until the child is older.

Find an SLP who can skillfully administer the Kaufman Speech Praxis Test for Children. It is just as simple as that. The Kaufman Speech Praxis Test can be given at two years of age. It will simply identify what level your child’s motor-speech skills are at. It will allow your child therapist to target that level and begin treatment.

I know completely and understand how frustrating it is to not have a diagnosis. As parents we want concrete answers. Does my child have CAS ? If not then WHAT is the problem? Read here…


How do you not blame yourself?

I did blame myself at first. Lot’s of thoughts raced through my mind. I thought maybe I just wasn’t as careful with my third pregnancy. I was angry with myself for not being more demanding with the labor department at the hospital. Luke’s birth was very dramatic. I always felt his issues were caused by neglect on the part of the nurses and doctor. If I had been more proactive and had a better plan, maybe things would have been different. But you can question this and question that and at the end of the day you have got to come to terms with the fact that you cannot go back in time and change things. Holding onto anger with doctors, nurses, and yourself is going to do absolutely no good for anyone. After some time feeling angry I just decided to turn the page. This was just out of my control, but what is in my control is TODAY, and getting my son help was the most important thing and became my mission.


Other than relying on God, what else helped you accept and come to terms with your child having severe speech issues?

I believe when you have a child and something goes wrong (no matter how big or how small) there is a type of grieving process that you go through as a parent. It takes time to work through it. You never want to see your child struggle. That is painful, very painful. It’s just something that you never prepare for. I cried a lot. I worried a lot. I took out my anger on people around me. I isolated myself.  Once I worked through many emotions, I realized all of that was going to get me no where, and far more importantly it was going to get my son no where. What Luke needed was for me to pull myself together and start finding him help. He needed a strong support system, he needed me to get tough. Which was something I had never been in my life.

I started researching everything I could. I started talking to people. I started writing, connecting with other people who were going through the same thing. Our family began signing with Luke and became excited about learning a new language (and thrilled to see him start expressing himself through sign). There was a point I had resolved myself to the fact that my son may never talk but felt peace we would always be able to communicate with our hands. Even the extended family all rallied behind him and began learning his new language.  We found a wonderful therapist (Lucid Speech). It took months and months to see real changes but CELEBRATED THE LITTLE THINGS! I always (and still do) remained focused on all the things Luke CAN DO! I realized this was going to mold Luke into the person he was born to be.  I became GRATEFUL and feel blessed that God entrusted such a sweet special boy to me.

I Had such a turn around in my heart. I went from wanting to get through all of this and then just burn every last record, every test, that my son had gone through. That just wasn’t the plan. I’ve be able to share Luke’s story through videos, blogging, writing. I was thrilled to have an article published about our journey. I learned to let go of my silly pride, and try get real with myself. I have always wanted to reach out to other people and let them know there is HOPE, and lot’s of it. Sometimes things just take time!

My mother-in-law told me a very important piece of advise very early on in our journey. She said, don’t find yourself so consumed in all of Luke’s speech that you miss out on this precious time with him.  You will never be able to get these moments back. Don’t worry so much, ENJOY HIM!

Please, if you have something to add that could be of help to others, feel free to share under the comments section.

If you are a therapist who works with Childhood Apraxia of Speech, please comment so we can find you!

Time Stay On My Side A Little While

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

It’s like I’ve been in a dream, in a fog. It’s been intense. It’s not lifting hardly at all. When you love some one and you lose them, it’s just something you can’t get over. I know a lot of people think, well it’s your mom, you knew she wasn’t going to live forever, but I thought she was! It’s like I’m going crazy. I think, well I’ll go on a trip and I’ll get a sign, I’ll find her. I just want to know she is O.k. I have always had faith but I have to admit, I’m shaken. I look to the sea, I look to the sky, to the mountains, I can’t find her. I’m heart broken!

I suppose the fog must be lifting a little. Lately I’ve been looking around and realizing just how quickly time is passing. I want it to just slow down, stay on my side for a little while. My girl, she’s growing like a weed…

Pres is just on the brink of a whole lot of things. Nearly pre-teen,  what happened? He’s discovering lot’s about life right now.

Soon little crabs and star fish won’t be in his beach priorities.

And when the heck did the dog learn to drive the RV?

Campground squirrels are now using shovels, Where have I been?

I always end up full circle.

If you want to get in the water sometimes you might have to climb through this…

If you want to learn how to surf you might look like this…

I can’t miss these moments, I know she wouldn’t want me to…

Hope your summer is rolling in long waves, and you are surrounded by the people who bring you the sunshine!

Cute? Yes! Clever? For sure!

Friday, July 2nd, 2010

I never allow comments on Luke’s You-Tube videos.  In the past I have received some of the most random and  occasionally just down right rude comments. I try to guard my son against things like that. Of course he didn’t decide to show the world his struggles with Apraxia, I did. I have second guessed my decision several times but in the end I like to think I am raising children who want to make a difference in the world.  I like to think if Luke ever questioned me about it, I could say, “You gave people hope, you showed other families what is possible!” And I like to think that would settle his thoughts. I hope I’m right.

Yesterday I was doing some random searching on Apraxia videos. I haven’t checked in on my posted videos in a long time. I was so surprised to see Luke’s very first therapy video has received over 12,000 hits. I think people are drawn to it because he looks so young. He WAS young, just barley two. A lot of people sent me responses wondering how he could even begin therapy at such a young age.  I ran across another little guy, Owen! Owen’s mom posted a video of Owen at 33 months, after six months of taking fish oil. I remember Owen. This was the video I found and watched nearly two years ago when I was searching for answers myself! This little guy is so cute. It was wonderful to see him talking and answering questions independently.  I scrolled down and started reading the comments. I chuckled as I read this one,

“Are you sure he has verbal apraxia? Cause he not even 3, and he bright!! (and really cute too.”

I loved Owen’s moms quick response,

“Yes, I am sure. He was diagnosed by a speech clinician. Many children with verbal apraxia are very bright and very cute ;-)”

—————————————————————————————–

That just reminded me and reassured me of what a great idea it is to keep You-Tube comments in the off position….

CUTE? YES!

After a day at the beach Luke says, “I want to jump in a sleeping bag and go swimming!” I said, “Luke, that doesn’t sound like such a good idea.” He says, ” Yes it is, that way sharks can’t get me!”

CLEVER? For sure!

Apraxia of Speech- Does it ever melt away?

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

This question seems to come up from time to time. I’ve certainly questioned if this is a possibility myself.  Oh, wouldn’t it be great if tomorrow this was suddenly resolved. Unfortunately, this is not the case. True Apraxia of speech is lifelong and does not disappear on it’s own. The good news is with appropriate help and treatment most children with CAS can learn to speak clearly.

When Luke was initially diagnosed some one explained things to me in a way that really made a lot of sense.  They said to think of the brain as a spider web, connections running in all different directions. If one part of the web is broken or disconnected, there is usually another pathway that can be used to get to the same place. It may take longer. It will take help, but you can get there.  That was a great way for me to visualize the situation. It still really bothered me though to think that forever Luke will have to think about that secondary pathway to speak.  This was inaccurate thinking on my part because if Luke learns to speak using a secondary pathway, isn’t that a first pathway for him?  He would never know any difference.  Does this make any sense? Anyhow, I’ve been doing some research on the toddler brain, it is an AMAZING thing. I have a better understanding of why early intervention is so important.

Seventy-five percent of the total brain growth occurs between one to three years. By the age of three, a toddler’s brain has formed about 1,000 trillion (not a million or even a billion, a TRILLION) pathways or synapses ­ about twice as many as we have. The toddler’s brain is super dense and primed for learning. When a pathway is used repeatedly, it becomes permanent; a pathway used infrequently is lost. This goes along with the old saying, use it or lose it! This is actually true.

You can see in this picture the density at age seven compared to age fifteen. At fifteen many connections have already  diminished. Of course we can continue to learn throughout life. It is just not as easy as in those early formidable years. Especially when it comes to speaking. It is very difficult to correct patterns that have been set in and repeated year after year.

Some people thought I was over reacting when Luke was very young and I was really starting to worry and question things. Even the doctor brushed me off.  I am so glad I moved ahead with my intuition. He is now a year and a half into therapy and still has a long way to go. When I look at some of his early videos I think, my gosh, he’s just a baby! And he was. This has given him the greatest chance of success with language. If you think something is wrong what do you have to lose by pursuing evaluations and seeking help?

About this time a year ago I attended the most valuable seminar in regards to Apraxia. Nancy Kaufman has been treating children with CAS for over 25 years. The seminar is designed for speech therapist but is also open to parents. Her methods are the reason my son has a voice today.  Nancy Kaufman is once again lecturing through out the country. If  you have the opportunity to attend her workshop you will have a wealth of practical ways to really help your child! I’m encouraging you to GO, GO, GO! LOCATIONS

November 24, 2009

Saturday, November 28th, 2009

I find my self a bit confused. I started blogging to relate and talk to other people about their childrens struggles with Apraxia.  It started as a way to express my feelings, get out my emotions, tell our story and try to help other people. Now I am stumped because I wonder just how honest I can be. I do not blog to put on a show. Can I continue to pour out my emotions about how this feels? Right now it does not feel so good. I don’t feel so positive. I feel sad. Sad because I can not fix this for my son. It breaks my heart into a million pieces to watch him studder and grope for words when he’s really worked up about something. It feels terrible to hold him in my arms while he melts  because he understands every word I am saying but I have no idea what he is saying back(and he knows it). Things the average three year old does not even give a second thought about. Wonderful carefree words just slide out of the mouth. For Luke and other children with Apraxia this is the greatest struggle. How frustrating this must feel. I see some changes happening with Luke. I know it is not him, it is his struggle that is changing him. It’s much easier to just tell a friendly face “GO!” then to explain how school was. It’s easier to just scream “NO!” then to tell your sister you want her to please stop because she’s bothering you. I have spent the day replaying in my mind, the little quivering voice who told me last night, ” I talk, but I no talk.” Luke feels no pressure with me, most everyone else equals PRESSURE! Questions require an answer. Answers are hard to come up with. This is a tricky fight.  Luke has really come  a long way, no doubt about that. But there are still those days and those times that are really rough. He is getting older now, he is understanding so much more. We have a long road ahead of us. I guess  sometimes I just want to take off the gloves and get out of the fight.

Think Like an O.T

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

If there is one thing I’ve learned in the past year, it is to think like an occupational therapist at every opportunity! There are so many activities you can do right in your own home.  In three days I will be left to my own creativity in regards to Luke’s O.T and play therapy time. I am excited to continue to work with him and have enlisted the help of my sister who is a teacher. I want to share some easy ideas I have learned this past year watching Luke’s wonderful therapists.

We do this activity utilizing the stairs. Luke thinks it’s just fun stuff. His task is to reach down low and grab the blocks, then reach up high and stack them on the stairs. But there’s a catch. See that black disk below his feet. It’s a balancing disk. It has a red ball in the middle that makes it a little more tricky.

Usually after he stacks them all on the stairs, he goes up the stairs to retrieve them. We also use the stairs for many things. Like working on that jumping. Just from the bottom step to the floor (no crazy super man stuff). And of course we are always right there with him.There was a time when we would just practice stairs while holding hands just for balance and coordination. Standing on this balancing disk uses tons of muscles.  I think a couple of pillows under his feet might work well also.

He/She+ is+ …ing

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

Our Speech Homework

Now it’s time to add back in some of those little words that children with Apraxia usually leave out.

We made this collage to practice over and over with.

She is cooking.

He is swinging.

She is sleeping.

She is eating.

He is painting.

(They are also very interested in it because they helped to make it.)

What it looks like now

Monday, August 31st, 2009

One of my sweet friends Jacqui (I actually met through this blog) were talking about what Luke’s language looks like at this point. How is he at home?? This is a little excerpt from that conversation.

Luke is saying a lot of words but now comes the hard part, connecting them on his own. This is very hard. Right now impossible. It seems he is making an attempt at almost anything I say to him. He can connect two to three word little combos on his own. But much after that is me scripting each sentence for him one word at a time. Some words are very clear, some are not. Some little things he is catching on that people say around here. Like today it was, “Oh my gosh” Luke hears big brother say it then he repeats it. It is like having a one year old maybe one and a half (language wise) in the house. The kids go Luke say this, say that, and try to teach him things to say, sometimes naughty. That stage when kids will just say whatever they are told to say and everyone thinks it’s cute even if it’s a bad word. It is still so hard!!! I feel very bad for him because he has so much on his mind and I just can’t wait for him to be able to express himself. Some times two word phrases are not enough. I can never really hear the whole story. Just one little word to describe the hundreds he is thinking about. I see it in his eyes sometimes. It breaks my heart. But one day at a time my friend, that is all we can do. I am trying my best. I will script all day and all night for him, he’ll get it.


Lady bugs and an EASY fine motor craft

Friday, August 28th, 2009

This is the first time in a year and a half of therapy Luke has ever cried over a toy. When it was time for his therapist to go he had a melt down. He just kept saying, “Lady Bug, Lady Bug!” I guess they were pretty cool.  Each bug came in three parts. They snapped together. They each had a number and an equal number of dots on their back.They were challenging to pull apart. You could stack them up. Good for counting and motor skills. Luke enjoyed thinking out side the box and creating wild mixed up bugs, then he would pull them all apart and match them by color again. His therapist said this was very good. He was challenging himself and thinking for himself. I think I’m going to have to buy him a set of these. They are made by learning resources.  I was just visiting their website. Wow, they have a lot of really cool stuff. www.learningresources.com

Snap and learn number bugs

So here’s an easy fine motor activity. It only requires pipe cleaners and straws. Luke made Lily some bracelets while she was gone to school. I helped him cut up the straws and he threaded the bits of straws on to the pipe cleaners. He was really excited to give her the bracelets when she got home.

Our Story of Hope

Friday, August 21st, 2009

One year ago today was Luke’s first trip to speech therapy. I remember crying painful tears all the way home. So many thoughts went through my head. How would our family get through this? How would I make this drive? Will my son ever talk? What went wrong this time around? If only I had been more assertive at Luke’s birth. I told everyone I didn’t blame myself, but I did. Did I take for granted my pregnancy? What if he never talks? Will Luke use sign language for the rest of his life? Why did this happen? Was God mad at me? Is this for all those times I turned my back and did what ever I wanted? How does the story end? How does the story end? How does the story end?

Today I am celebrating my birthday with tears in my eyes, but they are not stinging. They come with joy. Luke has come a very long way in the past year but it is so much more than that. There are things in life you can never explain unless you walk through it. There are lessons God allows us to experience. I feel privileged. Yes, privileged that God has put this in my lap. It has molded me and refined me. I see things very differently today than I did a year ago.  God is not a punisher, He is a deliverer! He does not turn His back on us, He holds us! He is not a destroyer, He sustains, refines, and replenishes us! He whispers, I love you Jen no matter what.

Do I know how the story ends? No. Do I care? Not really. Do I know how well my son will ever speak? No but God has a perfect plan. Have I let go of trying to be in control? Yes, because I know I never will be. Have I learned how to Love?  Yes, because He first loved me. Have I learned how to live for today? Yes, tomorrow may never come.

All I wanted for my birthday was to finish this project I’ve been working on.  And guess what? I did it. I hope this will help other parents searching for answers.  Apraxia was a word I had never heard of in my life.