Our Story of Hope/Video
One year ago today was Luke’s first trip to speech therapy. I remember crying painful tears all the way home. So many thoughts went through my head. How would our family get through this? How would I make this drive? Will my son ever talk? What went wrong this time around? If only I had been more assertive at Luke’s birth. I told everyone I didn’t blame myself, but I did. Did I take for granted my pregnancy? What if he never talks? Will Luke use sign language for the rest of his life? Why did this happen? Was God mad at me? Is this for all those times I turned my back and did what ever I wanted? How does the story end? How does the story end? How does the story end?
Today I am celebrating my birthday with tears in my eyes, but they are not stinging. They come with joy. Luke has come a very long way in the past year but it is so much more than that. There are things in life you can never explain unless you walk through it. There are lessons God allows us to experience. I feel privileged. Yes, privileged that God has put this in my lap. It has molded me and refined me. I see things very differently today than I did a year ago. God is not a punisher, He is a deliverer! He does not turn His back on us, He holds us! He is not a destroyer, He sustains, refines, and replenishes us! He whispers, I love you Jen no matter what.
Do I know how the story ends? No. Do I care? Not really. Do I know how well my son will ever speak? No but God has a perfect plan. Have I let go of trying to be in control? Yes, because I know I never will be. Have I learned how to Love? Yes, because He first loved me. Have I learned how to live for today? Yes, tomorrow may never come.
All I wanted for my birthday was to finish this project I’ve been working on. And guess what? I did it. I hope this will help other parents searching for answers. Apraxia was a word I had never heard of in my life.
