http://www.clickondetroit.com/video/21682168/
Check out this video. It is wonderful to see the great work Nancy Kaufman is doing. If you want more information on the Kaufman Center, I do have her listed under my links.
Thanks Jacqui.
I find my self a bit confused. I started blogging to relate and talk to other people about their childrens struggles with Apraxia. It started as a way to express my feelings, get out my emotions, tell our story and try to help other people. Now I am stumped because I wonder just how honest I can be. I do not blog to put on a show. Can I continue to pour out my emotions about how this feels? Right now it does not feel so good. I don’t feel so positive. I feel sad. Sad because I can not fix this for my son. It breaks my heart into a million pieces to watch him studder and grope for words when he’s really worked up about something. It feels terrible to hold him in my arms while he melts because he understands every word I am saying but I have no idea what he is saying back(and he knows it). Things the average three year old does not even give a second thought about. Wonderful carefree words just slide out of the mouth. For Luke and other children with Apraxia this is the greatest struggle. How frustrating this must feel. I see some changes happening with Luke. I know it is not him, it is his struggle that is changing him. It’s much easier to just tell a friendly face “GO!” then to explain how school was. It’s easier to just scream “NO!” then to tell your sister you want her to please stop because she’s bothering you. I have spent the day replaying in my mind, the little quivering voice who told me last night, ” I talk, but I no talk.” Luke feels no pressure with me, most everyone else equals PRESSURE! Questions require an answer. Answers are hard to come up with. This is a tricky fight. Luke has really come a long way, no doubt about that. But there are still those days and those times that are really rough. He is getting older now, he is understanding so much more. We have a long road ahead of us. I guess sometimes I just want to take off the gloves and get out of the fight.
road. A long hard road. It’s steep and full of bends. Most of the time I can’t see what’s around the corner.
And a lot of times it feels like this…
or this…
The seasons change and I’m still on this road.
Wish there was a sign to let me know how long this road will be.
Eight miles would be fine.
Will I make it up this hill? What will I find on the other side?
Then I stop…
and realize I always end up back on the same street.
And then I realize that road always leads me to the same place…
HOME!
Luke was given this book for his birthday, My Little Red Toolbox. Oh my, it is the coolest book ever! From the outside it looks like maybe a fancy pop up book. However when you open it up, it’s full of surprises!
This book is all hands on and so creative!
So I talked to this person, called that person. Met with this SLP and that one. Looked at this program, then went back to that program. Made a ton of phone calls. Held people off. Worried, questioned, debated in my mind. Thought I had it all figured out, only to wake up and change my mind again. Called more people. Talked to friends. Worried some more. Cried. Thought this is all happening to soon. Got angry because after all it’s just not fair. I wanted Luke to go the same school route my other children went. Finally came to the conclusion, I HAVE TO LET HIM GO, he needs all the help he can get! So I signed my name on the line (IEP) and Luke is off to preschool.
Thoughts were racing through my mind. What if no one understands him? What if he can’t express himself when he is upset and scared? Did I make the right choice? Will he be able to come home and tell me about the things he did while he was gone?
We found a small Thomas back pack. I filled it with a snack and hid Mickey Mouse inside. I told Luke Mickey was going to sneak into school with him so he could learn too! We talked about lots of things. Daddy managed to get the morning off from his new job and off we went. We got to walk him into class and stay for a few minutes, then it was time to leave. Luke was upset. He cried a little bit. I held strong because I knew in my heart this is the best thing for him.
I returned a few hours later to see my little star leading the line with a fireman’s hat on. He peaked around his teacher and saw me standing there. He waved and his face lit up. He said bye to his teacher and new friends. Told the teacher he would be back. Then he proceeded to talk non-stop for the next two hours. In his own way he told me about everything that happened. Fireman came to school, showed kids his clothes, had cheese and crackers and apple juice, played on the toys, went pee-pee in a little toilet, made crafts. My heart was so full. I have never seen him more animated and excited (and so talkative!). He wanted to get his brother and sister right away so he could tell them about his day. Once again I sit here amazed. Luke is not limited by his speech problems. This is who he is and he is not afraid. I’m looking at the mountains, he sees little hills.
You shine like a star my little friend. You bless my life in ways you’ll never understand. You show me we are only limited by ourselves. You are AMAZING!
